Growing up I had a rescue-dog named Lady.

She was sweet, but ridiculously terrified of thunderstorms. At the very sound of thunder, she went berserk. We're not sure what caused her phobia, but Lady was known to chew through chain-link fences to get out of her pen, gums bleeding.

Crazy. 

You might cautiously hold out your hand, make a sweet kissing noise, but street dogs like Lady (given the right circumstance) might snarl, bite you, or run away. A lucky man could possibly gain the dog's trust again, but abused or neglected animals need a lot of care and compassion.

We're quite different than street dogs (obviously), but the point is... for those of us who have experienced trauma, abuse, or neglect... we too, need safe places and trustworthy people to heal.

What is trauma and what does the word "triggered" mean, anyway?

First, this is not a comprehensive discussion on trauma, there are hundreds of books on the subject and I recommend talking with a mental health professional if you've experienced any form of significant trauma in your life. I hope to make some of the concepts of trauma more digestible for the average-joe. (If you're like me, for years, I just wanted to turn my head at the thought of trauma and act like it didn't really exist.)

Trauma is real. In all of its forms.

When we think of trauma, we may think of a horrific event like a fatal car wreck, the Vietnam War, or the devastation of a hurricane. Large 'T' trauma can involve PTSD symptoms and take a lifetime to navigate. These individuals need compassion, sensitivity, and (often times) long-term therapy to encourage the healing process. 

For most of us though, we can overlook lesser traumatic experiences (and even judge ourselves or others who have experienced them). Personal loss, tragedy, neglect, suffering, bullying, prejudice, and various types of relational pain can greatly affect our mental health. And especially within the Church; we must become more informed of "small 't' traumas."

What are some examples of small 't' trauma?

These traumas can happen in one devastating event or accumulate in collective experiences over time. For example: recurring financial difficulties, chronic health problems, ongoing affairs, a messy breakup, racism, abruptly moving to a different state, the impact of a hidden porn addiction, the betrayal of a friend, continual manipulation from a church leader, or a divorce... could all be considered small 't' traumas.

Some clinicians may not use a distinction between large 'T' and small 't' trauma, but I think it can help validate the experiences of some individuals, who might otherwise get disregarded or worse, labeled as weak. From big to small, each experience is on a spectrum that impacts body, mind, emotions, our relationships, and our sense of self. Briere and Scott (2015) in their book Principles of Trauma Therapy note that: "an event is traumatic if it is extremely upsetting, at least temporarily overwhelms the individual's internal resources, and produces lasting psychological symptoms (p. 10)."

Every story is unique, and the level of impact depends on the individual.

Obviously, not every mishap should be labeled a trauma. It is important to consider the difference between simply having a bad day and something that is traumatic. One way to discern the difference is that over time, real traumatic events can drastically impair our ability to connect with others in the here and now. "...trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present." (p. 21, The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.)

How do we know if we're triggered or flooded?

The truth is many things can "trigger" us, but the word should not be used flippantly. A trauma trigger is a psychologic stimulus that prompts recall of a previous psychological trauma. For instance, it could be the look on someone's face that resembles an aggressor, a song or smell that quickly brings to mind the person who hurt us, a particular spiritual phrase that was used to manipulate, a certain place where the event occurred, or even a particular time of year (seasonal weather that evokes a bad memory or reminds us of a grieving season). All of these things can remind us of a major loss or hurtful relationship.

We must be sensitive to the old wounds and respectful of our scars; we all have them.

 "The challenge of trauma treatment is not only dealing with the past but, even more, enhancing the quality of day-to-day experience. One reason that traumatic memories become dominant in PTSD is that it's so difficult to feel truly alive right now. When you can't be fully here, you go to the places where you did feel alive--even if those places are filled with horror and misery." (p. 73, The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.)

For many, in a desperate attempt to feel whole and alive again, individuals may develop addictions or engage in other kinds of unhealthy or risky behavior to help numb the pain. Others may avoid people all together, feel continually shameful, or wallow in self-pity. Even for small 't' trauma, the journey can be hard, long, gruesome, and completely overwhelming sometimes... but there is hope, healing, and restoration available. We need each other.

How do we cope with our pain and work through small 't' traumas?

1. Get safe first. Find safe places and trustworthy people to begin the healing process. If at all possible, do not attempt to heal in a toxic environment or with the individuals or organization that hurt you. You may not be ready to open up about your experience, but when you decide it's time to share your hurt, you need safe people around you. Find a support group, counselor, marriage & family therapist, humble pastor, an old friend, or an encouraging group of people who might understand your unique journey.

(If you believe in Jesus, I've found him to be the safest one. He was betrayed, wounded, rejected, and experienced overwhelming agony on the cross ... we can risk on Him, he understands.)

2. Develop healthy coping skills. With small "t" trauma, symptoms of depression and anxiety can feel overwhelming. And when the past tries to invade, learn how to have fun in the present. Anchor yourself to something concrete in the moment like drawing, reading, journaling, or creating something. Gardening works for some or another hands-on project to help "root" you to the here-and-now. Also, nature walks or playing entertaining games with friends can create new experiences (face to face with others) and can help us cope with the past. Establish better sleep hygiene and sleeping patterns if possible. 

3. Process with trustworthy mentors and/or professionally trained people. If you've experienced neglect, verbal, emotional, relational, sexual, inequality in the work place, or spiritual abuse, it's time to process with someone (in many cases a professional counselor) who can guide you toward healing. It may take you longer than you think, but it's time to get honest. Get raw. Share with trustworthy people who offer love, compassion, empathy, empowerment, and good boundaries. As the weeks, months, and years go by... you can learn to respond differently in the midst of hurt, fear, shame, anger, sadness, or despair. Listen to your emotional dashboard.

4. Slowly re-engage where your heart allows. In the midst of our suffering or tragic experiences, we can heal. Our traumatic experiences don't have to define us, instead they can inform us about how we want to live in the future. What kind of person am I becoming? What kind of people do I want around me, and what kind of future can I hope for? There is something new on the other side. 

Our pain is either transmitted, or it is transformed. 

 

This post was edited by my colleague Kelsie McGlothin, who has a certificate in Trauma from Richmont Graduate University. 

***(Stay tuned for more posts on relational trauma and spiritual abuse).